I'm in jail. I haven't landed here recently. I have been in a prison for some time now but I've only recently come to realize it. No, this isn't a tirade about capitalism or anything, it's about something much more innocuous. Nostalgia.
I'm in a prison of nostalgia. Shit was just better. The past is something you saw, you experienced, you documented. If not, someone else did and they're telling you stories about it fondly. Who tells stories about the future fondly? Loonies? Who looks at the future with optimism? Who goes to sleep thinking next day will be better than the previous one? I yearn for the psyche of people who wake up and are not instantly filled with subdued rage and hatred towards most of what surrounds them. It's not even me being edgy, everyone is escaping reality more and more. Be it Tiktoks, reels, games, VR, whatever. People are losing themselves in whateverthefuck just so they could get away from the grim reality of today.
The future is unpredictable and unknown, the past is told. Given how things are going, I have no choice but to be stuck in a prison of nostalgia. I mean, everyone has a "choice" like yeah, I can "choose" to be optimistic about the future but I never will be. I despise everything around me, I hate the world and I hate what people have become. The world is not and will not be getting better. That right there is my prison.
There is nothing better than going back in my own head, living through the best moments of my life, when they happened instead of when they're happening. I love going through my memories and events. You piece together such a nice, coherent story overtime, everything slowly clicks and meshes into place. Everything is understood and what is not can be. Nothing changes and nothing moves for better or worse. Things are the way they are and there is such a major solace to be taken in that fact. Fuck the future when all of my happiest moments were spent reliving either my imagination or the past. And to all the people feeling superior for acting like they enjoy the constant march forward, I hope it pays off.
05.11.2023.
